if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
