Duck Duck Cougar?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
