he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize