I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
