Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
