oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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