One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
