if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Randomize
