He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
