You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
