My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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