I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Randomize
