I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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