I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
