pedialite and red bull = repair kit
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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