Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
