he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
