Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
