Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
