Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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