My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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