I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
