i don't like sucking hair
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
