Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
