I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
