i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
