and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
