My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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