3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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