if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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