i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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