I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Randomize
