I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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