dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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