shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
this boner is exhausting
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
