I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
