i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize