so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
