I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
