She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
