im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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