I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
