i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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