the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
