A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
