Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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