I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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