can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
