bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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