I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
