I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
he puts the penis in happiness.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
