My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
