There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
