On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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