were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
