Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
4 words: hood of his car
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
