Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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