I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
