bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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