so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
