Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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