Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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