I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
