Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
