Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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