I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
