I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
