Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
