Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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