I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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