just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
