Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
