perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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