The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
