i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
