pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
