His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You're like the curious george of whores
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
