I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
