Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
We need a shit load of segways right now
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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