She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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