two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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