Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
