who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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