ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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