So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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