Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
