My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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