Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
