watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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