Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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