she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
BRING THE BAGELS
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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