Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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