He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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