I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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