at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
