Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
