I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
