Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
