38 yer olds are good kisserssss
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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